Alternative living: a life less conventional
A life less conventional is just that: an attempt to pursue alternative living, to live a life that doesn’t follow the same pattern or path we’re all lead to believe is THE WAY.
It’s not that I won’t conform to a ‘conventional’ life, it’s that I can’t - not without detriment to myself.
I tried living as a conventional, but I was a lifeless one.
What do I mean by ‘conventional’? What do I mean by ‘lifeless’?
Basically, I mean ‘9-5’ & ‘depressed’.
Years of avoiding adulthood followed by years of trying it out (badly) culminated in ADHD burnout and the need to completely reset my life - to take stock and figure out what does and doesn’t work for me.
Asking myself: What do I want my life to look like?
I want freedom & flexibility, autonomy, variety. I want to be in charge of the work I do, when I do it and how I do it - even if I do it a bit wonky.
If I want to spend 4 hours on a Monday morning reading in bed and guzzling caffeine, I’m gonna do it.
If I want to write a blog until 3 am because that’s when motivation strikes, I’m gonna do it.
If I am exhausted from over-committing myself socially and professionally and need to spend the day in bed snacking and crying, then I am gonna damn do it.
That’s what this life less conventional is about: freedom with financial stability (eventually).
Add a decent dose of neurodivergence and it makes for a thrilling ride.
About me
Anyway, as this is an introductory post I’d better do some introductory stuff.
Things you should know about me:
I am neurodivergent: it’s half absolute hoot and half crippling misery
Nature & colour are my happy place(s) - any crossover is bliss
I love making and creating: whether it’s writing this ridiculous and possibly pointless blog, making silly things out of clay, painting absurd artwork for friends and family, or doing my best to make things out of wood - they all make me eternally happy, channel some of my chaos and bring me a smidge of peace
I think dogs, pizza and snow (the cold one) are the best things in the world
Conventional Living
Looking back, my 20s were an accidental trial of alternative living, an unsuccessful one at that.
I spent most of it abroad, fleeing adulthood with other like-minded degenerates, abusing my body, surviving week to week on minimal money, but having a fucking blast (mostly).
Big but: each time I came home to visit I felt less and less able to relate to friends’ lives, or even understand them … it all felt so alien to me - it felt made up, like I was watching a play.
I lived in some amazing places though … (pics to follow once I find my hard drive).
I spent the tail end of my 20s back in the UK, trying to squish myself into what I thought was a “normal” adult life: steady 9-5 job, socialising on weekends, (insert other normal things).
Not only that, but I had to find time, energy and money to also keep myself alive and in good (enough) nick with an endless cycle of tasks:
Washing (clothes, dishes, house, self)
Shopping (food, clothes, toiletries, presents, stuff)
Life admin (endless)
Cooking (badly)
Resting (hardly)
All of this needed keeping up every DAY!
EVERY DAY!
Fast forward a few years and crap jobs, and the effects of a thankless admin role and overloaded social life came to an almighty kaboom.
Burnout leads to epiphany
… If you’re lucky.
Which I was.
Eventually, overcommitting myself personally and professionally lead to a burnout that was doing a very good job of convincing everyone (myself, my flatmate, my friends, my family, my GP) that it was depression.
This was not a fun period of my life, but it was an important one.
It forced me to look at my life and go what the fuck is this?
I did not order this.
Not that I didn’t have loads to be grateful for, more that the structure society and myself had imposed on me was just. not. working.
It was anti-working. It made me feel like a little bin.
So, I hit the fuckit button with complete conviction: I quit my job, left my flat and moved cities.
Best decision ever.
I have heard countless times “you only really get to know yourself in your 30s” and fuck me is that true.
Absolutely buzzing for what my 40s has in store (even less fucks to give?).
My 30s (so far) have been about breaking down (mentally), stepping back (metaphorically) and learning who the fuck I am (legitimately) and how I want to live (peacefully).
This ‘getting to know yourself’ business has taught me (among other things) that I have ADHD and possible autism (both of which are a nightmare to diagnose in women - more on that later).
It also turns out that, quite often, the more you learn about both, the worse you get at hiding both (or masking) - even if you didn’t know you were. You also realise how much energy it was taking to mask. More on that later*.
*You will hear this often. Whether I get to any of it ‘later’ is another battle.
The mask hath slipped and now I’ve misplaced it, I’m sure it was here a second ago …
Alternative Living
So, I am now doing my utmost to live unconventionally, relying on various (currently unreliable) income streams, very patient family & friends and my own time management (which anyone who knows me or ADHD knows cannot be relied upon).
💸How I earn money:
Dogsitting: getting paid to look after dogs and stay in houses that are (generally) nicer than mine
Upcycling: ‘waste not, want not’ (My nan, circa here entire life)
Invigilating: if you’re self-employed and looking for easy extra cash (and don’t have any nasty criminal convictions), look into it
Working local and national elections as a porter or other such menial job
Proofreading and copy editing: 3 novels down and I hope many more to come - I love books!
Working with neurodivergent-owned independent businesses: writing blogs, creating new websites and logos, proofreading, copy editing and anything else they need help with - sometimes just admin and responding to emails!
🕒How I fill my time:
Learning: from woodwork to SEO, I’m trying to build a portfolio of skills, knowledge and confidence to better support my chaotic liberation
Walking or running (slowly) around Bristol (when the sun comes out)
Visiting friends and family on any day of the week cos I fucking can
Learning how to listen to my body and brain, particularly regarding my cycle* and understanding why I am feeling overwhelmed, and what I can and can’t do about it
Doing arts & crafts and other creative nonsense
Reading: fantasy or crime, but also learning as much as I can about my body and brain, to make life that little bit easier
Being overwhelmed at all the tasks I have to do, paralysed in one spot or flapping around the flat, not getting any of them done (I spend a LOT of time doing this … it is neither fun nor intentional)
Feeling completely free and at peace with my life
*SIDEBAR: I’ll go into more detail at a later & utterly random date, but there are two podcasts that have changed my life in astronomical ways by teaching me about my own damn self:
If you have / think you might have / know someone who might have ADHD, these three loveable idiots will (believe it or not) teach you so much, while also being so relatably chaotic that you’ll feel like you’re listening to your deranged friends yapping in the backseat of the car.
It won’t all be relevant to you, but I cannot, I repeat, cannot* stress enough the impact of the relevant stuff. Mind-boggling.
This poddy has taught me so much emotional acceptance blahblahblah.
Absolutely worth a listen (but you do need to get past some initial shit sound quality to get to the good stuff).
This wonder woman is the absolute goddess that wrote Period Power (and more) - whether you identify as a woman or not - she’s the one.
Cycles, mood, hormones, science, bleeding, menopause, perimenopause (starts earlier than you think gals), careers, relationships. All.
It was also Maisie’s episode on autism/ASD (autism spectrum disorder) that got me going ‘huh … me too’.
I am still a long way from living harmoniously with my lady parts and hectic hormones, but what I have learned from reading her books (to varying degrees of completion) and listening to her podcast is transformational.
It is also extremely infuriating - the knowledge and ease with which she imparts these golden nuggets only fuels my rage at how our education system failed us.
Again, I cannot* emphasise enough how revolutionary the relevant stuff is here.
Start listening or reading now.
* I’m being very serious when I don’t use contractions.
End of sidebar.
Moving forward
Although I am (relatively) mentally stable, I am miles from being financially stable - it’s quite laughable actually.
So, while I figure it all out, I thought I’d document my experience - my successes and failures - to see if anyone else can relate, or heaven for-fucking-bid, learn something.
In writing this shambles of a blog, if I can make just one person go “huh, me too”, then mission accomplished.
Because ultimately, it was a lot of huh-me-too’s that helped me truly understand myself, my brain and my emotions.
While my life is more chaotic, less financially stable and less predictable than ever, I know myself better than ever and I’m not going to waste that information.
I’m going to use it to try and build myself a less than conventional, but ultimately happier life.
Weekly win or woopsy?
Each week (ish) I will share a relatable or at least funny win or a fail.
For week one: I bestow upon you no less than two gifts.
A win and a fail.
Getting this fucking blog started.
It’s only taken a year of procrastination.
Putting conventional in the title.
I have a feeling my life will often be less convectional or convetional, so try to look past it.
Thanks for reading this utter drivel.
If any of it was relatable, I’ve love to here from you.
Lotsa love,
A life less conventional
